Dragon's Breath

*WARNING: whiny rant with some harsh words about an a fore mentioned topic*

Bite me. That was going to be the title of my blog post because that’s how I feel when I log in here and find that nobody or maybe one person has commented on my most recent post. It frustrates me to no end that I come here and write about something important in my life and nobody responds. I am instantly transported back to my school days where I am an insecure girl thinking nobody likes me and keeping my head down so the popular kids won’t notice me lest they tease me.

Often, I write here because I am looking for feedback from my friends. More and more often lately, I get very little and I feel rejected. Why is it that one person gets numerous responses when they write about what hair care product they use and I get one or none when I write about life altering event? OK, that’s an exaggeration but you get my meaning. And, yes, this is a hair-care board but you and I know that it’s also a community encompassing much, much more.

I actually got 4 whole comments on my last post but that was because I wrote about possibly cutting my hair. Every comment was telling me not to do it and the rest of the post, albeit short, was ignored.

*Disclaimer: My insecurity monster is fully out of its hiding place and running rampant. I realize that there are people out there with bigger problems than me. I realize people have their own lives and mine will never be as important. I am simply some acquaintance that most people have never met IRL. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
*Disclaimer #2: This was not written with the intent to illicit more comments. It’s my blog and I’m writing about my feelings. I have not said anything unkind about any other members and believe I have otherwise followed the LHC guidelines.

Meltdown:
The above mentioned contributed to but certainly did not cause a major meltdown I had on Friday night. Another contributing factor was that J asked me to burn her a couple of CDs. I knew that once she had them, she would not talk to me again until the next time she wanted something. She would either ignore me or, if she was forced to interact with me (as in, she was here in town) she would flip me attitude. I feel used and it pisses me off. I should have told her “no” but that would cause problems with Sk8er Boi.

Friday, I was in a mood. I spent all day trying to download all the songs J wanted and fighting with Widows Media Player because it refused to cooperate. I was also trying to clean house because Sk8er Boi was picking up B for fall break. J, once again, chose not to come.

In the evening, I ordered Chinese for the three of us for dinner. It irritates me that this job always falls to me. I guess I have a mild phone phobia too when it comes to talking to strangers but, apparently so does Sk8er Boi and his is worse. But I digress. The girl who answers the phone at the Chinese place we order from barely speaks English. She is difficult to understand and has messed up our order two out of three times since she took over phone duty.

When our order arrived, my item was missing. I called, tried my damnedest to be as polite as possible but got frustrated with Miss. Very-Little-English very quickly. I had to repeat myself over and over and over. I had to ask her to repeat herself just as often. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely do not feel that Miss. VLE is stupid or does not deserve to be here (unless she is illegally here) or anything like that. I do, however, fell like she should not be taking phone orders when the language barrier is so great.

After dinner, of which Sk8er Boi had to share his, the topic came back up and he said, “…I felt sorry for her. You were so nasty to her.” (huge emphasis on the word “nasty”) Well, that was it. Meltdown city. I went upstairs and cried for about 45 min after screaming at Sk8er Boi to leave me that he!! alone. I didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the night and went to bed early.

I have this problem. When I am frustrated and/or angry, what comes out of my mouth sounds rude. I have no intention of sounding rude, I do not want to sound rude but I do. And the harder I try not to sound rude, the worse it gets. I do not know how to fix this.

Anyway, I cannot explain Friday’s meltdown other that the contributing factors mentioned. None of them were big enough, in my mind, to created the feelings I had that caused me to cry for a full 45 min before I could calm down. The funny thing is that I was just thinking on Thursday that the SAM-e I’ve been taking has had a positive impact on my overall mood. I guess not.

~~~~~~in other news~~~~~~
I got myself an eBookwise with my birthday money. It’s much cheaper that a Kindle or a Sony to begin with but this one was on eBay “like-new” and even cheaper still. It does not have all the bells and whistles of a Kindle or Sony but I don’t need all that. It does have what I wanted which is a backlight so I can read in bed without the light on disturbing Sk8er Boi or having to fight with those stupid little book lights that never shine where you need them to.

I am a bit miffed with the seller though. She did not include the USB cable which one needs to register the unit and one must have a registered unit to purchase books from the eBookwise site. When I asked her for it, she asked me to pay for shipping of it. It was only $2 but then she felt the need to tell me that she paid $7.50 to ship it “but that’s OK” . In my opinion, the damn thing should have been sent with the unit. I paid the $2 because I wanted it and, as I have had such problems with eBay sellers in the past, I didn’t want her to refuse to send it. I would have paid more to purchase a new one.

I have been using it and love it otherwise. It does look like new, no scratches or dings. Works like a dream.