Can U Sez “pity party”
I got my replacement braces today. One fits but does not feel like it’s supposed to. The other one, the one I really felt like would be more support was to big–it’s the next size up from the one that is if-y in the originally ordered size.
This made me cry.
I think it’s the whole having to go back to work thing. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to or that I could go in there with a two notice/resignation letter in my hands.
From there it was an avalanche: I hate the way I look, from my weight to my skin to my tiny breasts that my stomach sticks out further than unless I’m constantly vigilant about holding it in. I can’t join a gym to take some sort of aerobics classes because I can’t afford a membership fee. I can’t afford a membership fee because my job pays me squat. Besides that it pays me squat, I feel like I’m being dragged into the ninth circle of hell every time I have to go. I can’t get a new job because….I don’t know. The only thing I can think is that my resume sucks but I have rewritten it a dozen times. I have gotten resume writing books from the library and tried they styles they suggest. It’s not like I’m applying for jobs that I’m not qualified for. I can’t have it professionally written because I can’t afford it because my job pays me squat. I can’t afford to go back to school because my job pays me squat. I have below zero self esteem. My attempts to improve my self esteem and my weight through self-hypnosis have failed, hell, may attempts at self-hypnosis at all have failed. (back to top and start all over)
See what I mean?
Now, don’t get me wrong; I know that by no means is my life is horrible. I know things could be a lot worse. I could not have Sk8er Boi, a job, a home, a car, a fully functioning body, I could still be having to deal with the Maggot…and so on…and so on…and so on….
It’s just sometimes gets overwhelming. I feel like I spend my entire life fighting just to make ends meet let alone get ahead, have money for even a weekend trip, or even, most recently, minor repairs to the car. Usually, I only get to a point where I break down every once in a while. It lasts a day, maybe two and I’m back to normal.
But to be very honest, I think that little dialog runs in the back of my head all. the. time.
It may be time for some meds of my own.
Nothing much
Doc had me order two elbow braces in different styles to make sure as least one of them was comfortable/usable. They arrived yesterday. One is too small for sure and the other one was if-y. I took them in to Rehab the the therapist thinks the if-y one is probably too small. She measured again and she was right on target as far as what size the book said to order according to XXX inches. The one that is too small for sure won’t even slide all the way up into the right position.
I think they need to reevaluate their measurements.
Anyway, the therapist got with worker’s comp and got new ones ordered.
I’m not looking forward to going back to work.
Hair:
I’m tired of it.
Sitting:
It’s hard to get a chance to do with Sk8er Boi around so I didn’t do it all weekend.
I did sit yesterday for about 10 min. It was only 10 min because I started getting dizzy which made me feel nauseous. This is something that happened when I first started trying to do self-hypnosis. I emailed my instructor at the time and this is what she told me:
Some ideas for you to try:
- spend at least a week thanking yourself for everything you’ve allowed yourself to achieve. EVERYTHING! You can start your session with a body scan to relax and then move into your attitude of gratitude. No need to use visualizations or count backwards, etc. Just allow your body to relax and then start, “Kathryn, I’m so proud that you’ve taken this time for yourself. Thank you for doing that errand yesterday for your sister and the fact that you did it with an upbeat attitude was tremendous, etc.” Sometimes the best we can do is thank our self for getting out of bed and brushing our teeth. If that’s the case, then start there. You might want to take around 10-15 minutes with this each day.
- Once your ego realizes that you do understand the wonderful contributions it is making on your behalf and that you do appreciate it, you will probably find it easier to move on. The next step would be to ask your subconscious where it would like you to be instead of the beach. Again, give this a few days of repeatedly asking. There might not be a lot of trust going on between the different aspects of you and it will take time to earn it back, Right now, you have that time.
I guess I’m going to have to go back to step one again.
I’m trying, I really want to do this but I feel like I’m being blocked every step of the way!!!!!!!!!!
OK, I’m done ranting for now.
Commies:
Arrived late last night. My cycle seems to be running close to the 28-30 day mark lately.
Dangle kitties:
I’ll leave you with more pics of cat tree enjoyment
I forgot to mention
If you read post #13, it talks about the effect fabric softeners have on towels. I don’t use liquid softener but I used to. I still use dryer sheets. So I’ve been doing this to every towel in the house. The white vinegar didn’t do it so three loads of towels soaked in Epsom salts for about 8 hours each and I’m done with all but “extra” towels we have stuffed in a bag in the closet. We obviously never use them but keep them in case.
On a side note, I received an email not too long ago about the effect of dryer sheets on lint traps. It said a film from the dryer sheets builds up on them and burns out the heating unit. Well, I checked it out and it’s true. I also tested my lint trap and, sure enough, it held water. Just thought I’d pass it on.
Elbow:
There was some mix-up with my elbow brace. A week and a half later, it hasn’t even been ordered yet. Rehab called me today to ask if I’d received it. Um, no, it’s supposed to be shipped to Rehab and I’m supposed to get it from there and try it on in the presence of the therapist to make sure it fits and is doing what it’s supposed to.
Anyway, long story short, the place they ordered it from received the request but never got some authorization they needed. It’s been sitting in their system since the 13th. When Rehab called to check on them today, they said, “Oh, here it is. I’ll send it through now. We should have an authorization in about 20 min.”
20 min 
But really I’m not complaining. It’s gotten me out of going back to work that much longer….
Helichrysum and Emu Oils
I don’t know why I didn’t think of the Helichrysum [Everlasting Immortelle] oil for my elbow before now. If you remember, I got it for my face probably about a year ago. Then I got some Emu Oil to soften my scar from my surgery.
I was exploring Garden of Wisdom‘s site and read this about emu oil
Thus, when emu oil is mixed with herbs known for their ability of acting on skin or muscle-joint problems, the results can be extraordinary.
and this about Helichrysum
and got the idea to mix them and apply them to my elbow.
My left elbow has been hurting on and off since before I started treatment for the right but not so much that I feel I need treatment for it yet. Usually a zap with my at-home ultrasound machine “cures” it until the next time I strain it too much. Also my Plantar Fasciitis has been acting up since before my surgery but it’s been worse in the last week or so. I haven’t figured that out. I have been primarily off my feet since June 23rd!
Anyway, I mixed 1:2 (Helichrysum:emu) and have been applying to to both elbows and the arches of both feet three times a day for two days. I’m obviously not expecting miraculous or immediate results but I have noticed twinges and such that I hadn’t had before and wonder if those mean some healing is going on in there.
Bathroom Whore:
Got your attention didn’t I–all for a cat story!
All of my animals are horrible about being attention-needy. Somewhere along the line, I came up with the term “attention whore” and it fits every one of them perfectly.
Well, Oreo has developed the habit of begging attention when one of us is…um…otherwise indisposed in the bathroom. The other morning, when I came downstairs and headed straight for the bathroom, of course, in trotted Oreo. I finished and carried him to Daddy who was piled up on the couch with a blanket–no feline in my house can resist a blanket. As I handed Oreo to him, Sk8er Boi said, “he was sitting with my until you came down. Then he decided he had to be a bathroom whore!!!”
OK, 
I thought it was funny.
So now I’ll leave you with a few pics:
Nightshade and I were discussing how to cover my cat tree with sisal rope as she had already done to hers. She asked me for pics of how it was assembled. That in itself is fairly simple, but when you add in curious boys!
My teen-age boy: This little freak will play on the cat tree by himself by chasing is own tail–and even his feet–around the post. Well, apparently he got tired and simply dropped where he was. Notice where the bottom front paw is…
And finally, do you remember this pic with the little grey kitty peeking out from behind
Well, now we know why he was being so protective of her.
Here is one of two babies
The other one is black with the exact same markings–Daddy’s white chest and tummy. I’ve been trying to get pics of them for a week but this is the best I’ve done so far.
Hugs to all!
Released to go back to work
To be very honest, I’m not very happy with the elbow these days. As I mentioned earlier, we’ve been pushing it pretty hard in therapy and now it’s starting to hurt like it did before surgery. This is a new development. That’s not to say that it didn’t hurt after surgery, it was just always a different kind of pain. Now, it’s the old pain back. Doc doesn’t think I re-injured it but he also says that it’s pretty close to healing as much as it’s going to. Does that mean it’s going to hurt like this forever?
He asked me if I didn’t think I could handle the job. I asked him what would happen if I couldn’t and he said “you’d have to leave your job!” Yeah, like I can afford that. I don’t know what workers comp does it that situation. I just spend 45 min searching online and didn’t find anything that was helpful. I guess I’ll have to call a lawyer. I need to see if I can find one that offers free legal advice over the phone as I’m not thinking about filing a claim right now.
The fact of the matter is, however, that I can do all of the job except the lifting. I’m sure they would accommodate for that.
Touch lamp = happy kitty with full belly
- Oreo, from underneath the night stand, reaches up and turns on lamp
- Mommy swears, looks for offending feline with intent to launch across the bedroom.
- Not finding said feline, swears again, turns out lamp, rolls over and attempts to go back to sleep.
- [repeat steps one through three as needed]
- Mommy swears yet again, realizing she is not getting any more sleep and gets out of bed.
- Upon arriving downstairs, Mommy feeds kitties
- Kitties have happily full bellies
Elbow:
This last three weeks in therapy, we have really been pushing it to get the weight I can lift up to the 35 lbs. it needs to be. I can lift 35 lbs but there are consequences. It hurts to do and my elbow and surrounding area are sore through the following day.
I go see the doc next Monday. So far he has deferred to me as to whether I go back to work. I have not, thus far, had any reservation as to what to tell him: if they want me to be 100%, I need more time.
I’ve already been out much longer than I thought I would be and I’m not sure going back yet is a good idea. However, I’m sure Mr. head Honcho will feel like I’m faking if I’m out any longer. Plus, I don’t know if I’m doing more harm than good by pushing the weight thing so hard. I’ll have to discuss it with him…
Hair:
Still on my head.
I hennaed on Monday. Just a root application. Oh. My. Gods. Root applications are soo much easier, from application, to carrying the additional weight of henna around for however long, to rinsing.
I used a highlighting brush for root application this time and it went smoothly and I had plenty of henna with just 50g. I’m thinking of using a highlighting brush every time–even when I’m doing a full head application. I might just save myself some henna….
ETA:
Hair pic!!! I took a pic of my curl pattern the other day.
Notice how the longer hair doesn’t curl at all. It did when it was shorter
Quickly….
One of the main reasons I don’t want to swim is that I don’t want my hair permanently damage by chlorine. I just got rid of majorly damaged hair and don’t want to start all over.
I did some research here and thought maybe I could control it so I did get in the pool yesterday. I wet my hair thoroughly beforehand, didn’t ever let the chlorinated water dry on my hair and rinsed with club soda when I got out (from this article). Interestingly, the club soda fizzed when it touched my hair. I don’t know if that was a reaction with the chlorine or if soda water would have done that anyway.
My hair felt soft and like it had slip when I was done rinsing with the soda water and it detangled easily. It felt a little dry and tangled easily when it was dry. However, I think that was because I did not use any conditioner. It felt pretty much the same when I wet it for my haircut (I go with wet hair so they don’t try to wash it there with stuff I don’t want them to use on my hair).
I oiled it last night as much because I had been in the pool as because it was time to–past time in fact. I try to oil once a week and I think it had been more like two.
I’ll keep you updated. I stocked up on club soda.
Commies:
Arrived on Sunday evening. Only 31 days this time.
Elbow:
Saw the doc yesterday: three more weeks of therapy and off work. I haven’t decided if this is a blessing or a curse with J & B here. Going to work gives me a break from their Drama Queen behavior and bickering but, well, it’s work and I hate being there.
Tattoos:
I’ve been thinking about new tattoo ideas. I’m thinking I want to embrace my Filipino heritage with this one. I haven’t decided how I want to do that yet though. I could get some Baybayin symbols like most people get Asian kanjis, I could get something that is traditional Filipino tribal (pics 3-5), another one here–which is different than what most people think of as tribal these days–or just pic some Filipino symbols like the national flower, jasmine, incorporated into another tattoo. I think this is pretty cool, the sun/moon idea incorporated into the national flag but I think I’d rather have my stars be faerie stars.
I’ve only just begun to think about this and, right now, it’s all just a jumble…..
Dickhead!!!!
Everybody was interested in my elbow, how it was doing and what kind of surgery it was, blah blah, blah.
Anyway, I was called up to receive my award and automatically shook the owner’s hand with my right hand–the one with the elbow. Mr. Head Honcho (you can read about what a wonderful man he is [please note sarcasm] here) was watching closely, I guess, because he stopped me on my way back to my seat and asked me, “Did you shake hands with the bad one?”
So what??? It’s not like a little hand shake is going to do irrevocable harm nearly six weeks after surgery! It’s like he was looking for an excuse to accuse me of faking!!! Um, yeah, I’d let them cut into me and mess with perfectly good muscles and tendons!!!
As far as the elbow is concerned, I went to the doc again yesterday and he gave me another three weeks off work in which time I’m supposed to go to more physical therapy. We are supposed to work on strength training. The company dictated that I have to be 100% before I can return. I cannot, at present, lift what I would need to at work.
So, Mr. HH, kindly go pound sand in unmentionable places!!!!
I think I found it!
My Ravelry queue is huge right now and I can’t do anything about it!!! UGH, it’s so frustrating!
Audio Books:
Aside from books I actually read, I listen to audio books a lot. I gives my brain something to do when I’m doing some mindless task. I find the best books to listen to are ones that I like the story line but are so full of unnecessary detail that I would be bored actually reading it. I can space out a little during those parts if I’m just listening.
One of my biggest pet peeves regarding audio books is when the narrator changes things from one book in a series to another. This is the case with what I’m listening to now. For the first four books of Jean M. Auel’s Earth’s Children series, although her accent was mentioned, the narrator read Ayla’s voice without it. In book 5 suddenly she got a Russian sounding accident.
Pronunciation is another pet peeve. Again, in the first four books, everything was pronounced the same but in book 5 there are a multitude of things she is pronouncing with the accent on a different syllable! It annoys me because for a split second my brain goes, wait!. what? before it realizes who is being referred to.
Health:
I did do yoga and an ab workout yseterday along with my physical therapy appt. The arm is still very sore; from shoulder to wrist now. I only have two weeks of therapy (so far???) so they’re pushing it. Hard. I mean, do they really think I’m going to be ready to lift 34 lbs. flats of soda in two weeks when I can’t lift and pour a full pot of coffee with out pain right now???
GudonyaToo:
I ordered one each Pumpkin Spice and Mango Lip Smoothies from her. I ordered them before I read this thread (see post #4). I placed the order over a week ago and they are still not here. From her location to mine, Parcel Post would normally get them here in one day, two tops!
It does say that it takes 4-6 days to ship. I find that a little rediculous. If she can’t get things shipped faster than that, she needs to hire some help. I mean, she has over 10,000 feedback messages in the less than two years she’s been selling. That’s 14+ products a day! Looks like, to me, she could afford to pay for some part time help.
So, I’m wondering if my view of this seller is tainted by the poor customer service a fellow LHCer received or if I’m justified in expecting my product to have arrived. Am I also tainted my the imediacy the internet provides?
Oreo is a TURD!!!
He’s never done it before, I don’t know what’s prompted him to do it now. This was my only non-Teva pair that I don’t wear very often so, at first I thought there was something interesting about this particular pair. But NOOO! I forgot and left a pair of my Tevas out last night and he chewed on them too!!!
UGH!!! I see a kitty beating in his future….
Elbow:
Yes, he did give me two more weeks off and sent me back to physical therapy. I had my first appointment yesterday and OMG, my arm is sore today!!!!!
I have to do three days in a row both weeks which is stupid but, between the holiday and not being able to get in right away last Monday, that’s the only way I could get three days in both weeks.
Health:
I had an artichoke for lunch yesterday and asparagus today. Sorry, Amoretti, they were both cooked. Steamed actually. Not raw but still better than pizza or the like.
I didn’t get yoga done on Monday. I shopped for groceries instead. Yesterday I walked Rajah and did a Crunchless Ab workout. Had to modify a couple of things because they involved leaning my full body weight on my elbow but I got it done.
Today I will do yoga and another Crunchless Ab workout.
Skin:
I ordered a few acne/anti-aging creams from VitaCost. I intend to document the results with pics.
Knitting:
(swiped from Peggs‘ Dressing like the hero of your own story… blog entry)
WANT!!!
I so want to find a pattern to knit this jacket! With full sleeves though. I wouldn’t know where to begin to design it myself, or even what to call it to search for a pattern. Any suggestions?
