Two Weeks on LDN
I’ve been feeling…BLAH…for the last week or so. A general malaise; tired, low energy and crabby!!! I don’t know if this is LDN side affects, a fibro flare, a milder version of some virus Sk8er Boi had or just life in general. TessieAnn did say that symptoms could get worse before they get better…. 
Sk8er Boi was having body aches, chills and night sweats–where he literally soaked the bed through the mattress pad all the way down to the mattress. He started with it the day after Christmas for about four days, it went away and then came back about four days later. It got bad enough that he asked me to make a doc’s apt for him. All his doc said was that it was some sort of virus and would have to “run it’s course.” He didn’t offer anti-viral meds but I guess those are for more severe cases like H1N1. He hasn’t had a return of symptoms.
I’m sleeping better but not much. I’ve been falling asleep on the couch a lot, waking between 11 and 1 and going to bed. If I make it to bed before I fall asleep, there have been some nights that I sleep all the way through but they are still few. I woke this morning knowing I was having vivid and bizarre dreams but not remembering the actual dreams.
Work:
This situation with The Boy and GF is really pissing me off. They are allowed to do basically whatever they please and not even get in trouble! The other day, JP had to go to a manager’s meeting that he’d forgotten about when made the schedule. This left me alone in the store for an hour and a half. In that time I was supposed to wait on customers and get all the shift closure procedures done. The Boy and GF were suposed to be there at 2–they didn’t show up until 2:15! All JP had to say when I texted him was, “they will be there.” 
A week or so ago, I came back from break and found GF scratching scratch-off lottery tickets. We are not allowed to buy scratch-off or lottery (like PowerBall) tickets from the store where we work or play them whilst on the clock. If we do so, it’s a firing offense. I told JP about it but, because he couldn’t see her do it on camera, he didn’t do anything about it. I guess my word is not good enough.
I’ve also noticed that AG gets blamed for a lot of stuff that The Boy should have done. The other day, she and I worked day shift and The Boy and GF worked the evening shift, the next day I worked the day shift with JP. He said something about the cooler being a mess and that AG didn’t do a good job. Well, The Boy should have stocked it on evening shift but does that count? NOOO! It’s automatically AG’s fault because “AG is my assistant.” 
I’m letting it get to me. I shouldn’t but it’s just wrong. You know if I started showing up whenever I felt like it or scratching tickets on the clock, I’d be in a great big pile of sh!t for it!!!
I need to get out of there!
About the gift from Shari:
For the record, I DID NOT, HAVE NOT insisted that she take the necklace back. The only thing I said to her was, “I can’t accept this, it’s too much.” As Vel said, she over rode my objections and I have the necklace in my possession. I was not ungracious about it.
The main reason I was writing was because of the way I feel about it. I do feel guilty because I know that they need that money–or will once the settlement money is gone. Yes, I would feel best if she returned it and kept the money but I did not say that to her!
I have a Problem
I’ve mentioned Shari before. We became friends after talking every time she came into the store–which was about every day!
Anyway, Shari just got a respectable amount of money for a worker’s comp settlement. Yesterday, she met me at work at the end of my shift and gave me a late Christmas/thank-you-for being-my-friend gift. This. I know that cost of living differences my make this seem reasonable to some but $100 is way too much IMHO for her to be spending on a gift for me. Especially since she is unemployed and the settlement is not that large an amount. She’s going to burn through that money in no time the way she’s spending!!
Besides, she does not need to buy me gifts to keep me as a friend. She mentioned it’s from the “forever collection” because she “hopes we will be friends forever.”
I told her all of this and tried to leave the gift in her truck but she carried it into my house for me.
What would you do? I feel so…guilty is not the right word but it’s the only one I can think of…about it that I haven’t even taken it out of the box let alone contemplated wearing it!! I would would really feel best if she returned it and kept the money!
Cone Head:
Poor Rajah, she has a spot on her face that she has rubbed raw and one on her foot that she has licked raw. I can’t get a bandage to stay on her head and she keeps pulling the one off her foot. I finally broke down and bought a cone.
Poor baby, she’s actually adapting to it rather well but still….
Thinking “out loud”
I know I’ve mentioned that I love my doc. Let me tell you why. I had a doc that I liked a lot but he had to retire due to health issues. Poor guy, wasn’t that old. Anyway, I was forced to hunt down a new one.
The first one I tried was supposedly into combining Eastern and Western medicines. I’m all for that!! However, I was sitting in his waiting room for a follow up visit (my third, at $30 a pop for co-pay) when I witnessed three different people purchase the very same supplements–expensive supplements!– he had given me and told me were specific to my FMS. Two of these people were men walking in just to get more supplements–I know there are men out there with FMS but they are so few and far between that I can’t believe these two men both had it. The third was a new patient. I was also at just the right angle to see inside the supply cabinet. It was full of the three supplement I was “prescribed” and little else.
It became apparent to me that he was just in it for the supplement sales. I got my co-pay back, walked out before my appointment and went on the hunt again.
The second doc I tried was recommended to me by two people at work. I walked in and the minute the receptionist realized I was a new patient, she started touting the doc’s virtues. He was “just so wonderful.”
In my appointment, I explained my FMS diagnosis and why I was not on any meds for it. He didn’t listen. He sent me away with an order for blood work and a prescription for an anti-depressant, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers and pain pills.
I did go for the blood work but didn’t fill the prescriptions. I had to have the blood drawn in his office but not on that day. The nurse tried to talk me into the same freaking pills and when I called for the blood work results, the receptionist tried to talk me into them too. I told her that her precious doc prescribed those effing pills simply because they are standard for FMS and that he hadn’t bothered to listen to a word I said: I’d had them all when I was first diagnosed and they hadn’t done anything for me except make me feel doped up all day. My symptoms were not severe enough to need them. I told her I hoped she and her doc had a happy life together but that life would not include me as a patient, I was going to find someone how actually listened to me.
Then I pulled Dr. Z’s name out of the provider book. Third time is a charm I guess. Dr. Z listens to me, does not push drugs on me that I don’t need, is in fact happier the less drugs I need and is happy to work with me on things I want to try. The LDN is a great example. Dr. Z goes out of her way to help her patients and she doesn’t prescribe things just because she gets a kick-back from the drug company.
I don’t know why I just wrote all this down but I did, so here it will remain.
Outside Kittehs:
Mama and the Unnamed black one are still around. Mama is finally using the house occasionally and we have a radiant heater set up in the garage with a blanket next to it that we’ve found both of them sleeping on and different times. I wish Mama liked Unnamed, she is lonely without the others. I never have figured out what happened to them.
There is a new one we have spotted; a rather large all white one. This one has learned pretty quickly that our house is the house in the neighborhood. I found him/her in the garage yesterday. It’s still pretty scared of us and tried to run out when I came in but I was blocking the exit. I put food out and left whilst it was still in there. I hope it ate and settled back in. It’s currently 0º F with a wind chill of I don’t know how far below 0º….
Commies:
for my own records, they arrived this morning
Frustrated
This is what has suddenly happened to my Danskos.
Right shoe:
See the crack?
Left shoe:
decidedly more prominent here.
I put them on the other day and noticed that both feet were rolling to the outside. These shoes were not like this the last time I wore them. It’s almost as if someone else wore them and did this to them. There’s tar on the heel of the left one too. Puts me in mind of OGM‘s experience with things disturbed in her house.
I’m a little pissed. Granted these were used when I bought them and I have no idea how much wear they had. They looked pretty new and like they had a lot of wear left but I have only worn them maybe a dozen times myself. I’m not totally heartbroken, I did not find these shoes as blissfully comfortable as some people but they might have been if I could have gotten arch supports in them. However, I do like the look of them and they were nice relatively flat shoes with enough lift to keep my longer jeans from dragging. The only other shoes I have that keep the hems of my jeans off the ground are my platform flip-flops–not great for 17°F– and heels. I have never found heels comfortable.
Now I need to find some new comfortable shoes.
J’s Car:
I know I’ve mentioned that we got J a car for a song but it needed a new motor. Well, the motor is in and it is otherwise ready except for tires and a new window motor.
Grandma sends us money every year for Christmas. It arrived yesterday as well as the second rebate card for the phones we got the girls. Sk8er Boi looked at me ans said, we have $300, we could get J’s car ready. I just looked at him. $100 of that is MY Christmas/Yule money. He just assumed that I would be happy to give it up to fix her car because of course the child has brought me so much love and joy that I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather to do with my money! 
I’ll do it of course, he’ll own me–BIG–because it will be easier than not.
Speaking of the girls phones:
They both have dropped them to the point that the screens have started freezing on them at times and B’s wouldn’t come on after one drop. I guess she eventually got it back on but still.
I told Sk8er Boi after he got off the phone with her and said something about not being able to afford another phone: “you need to lay down the law and tell them we are not going to keep buying them phones when they can’t take care of what we’ve already gotten them!!!!”
He didn’t answer.
My (fuzzy) kids spoiled? Nooooo…..
Sk8er Boi had all four days off for the Thanksgiving holiday so, since the man can’t sit still and relax, he got constructive and spent three of the four days building this.
It’s a house for the outside cats!!! Yes, the cats that aren’t even officially ours now have their own house in my yard.
That grey stuff between the walls is left over blow-in insulation from when we did the attic. It’s in the attic of the cat house too 
. The lumber is left overs from a very nice guy that does odd construction jobs and the shingles are from an open bundle the local hardware store sold us for $5.00 just to get it out of their way (a full bundle is $25) So we only really spent money on the light fixture and the cat door.
It hasn’t even been out there 24 hours and we haven’t seen any of them get in it yet but we hope they like it. I think I’ll temp them inside with some canned food tonight….
Barrel chested:
Several years ago I was at a Renaissance Festival trying on corsets. One of the owners of the “shop” was helping me and mentioned to the other that she thought I was barrel chested.
I never found a corset that fit me but her words have stuck in my mind and I periodically feel around on my ribs to see if I can feel it. The other day a was doing just that and discovered a nearly full inch depression: the last two attached ribs actually stick out that much further than the next ribs up!!!
Um, is that still just barrel chested or is that all out deformed?? 
Maybe that’s why I have trouble with my bras sliding up. Well that and the distinct lack of actual boob. 
Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Vel
Jonny is gone. He has not been around for over two weeks. We can only assume he got hit by a car. Although we do have some new neighbors who have a couple of hoodlum boys with bee bee guns. I saw them aim one at him once and shoulted not to shoot my cat. I have since talked to their mother who assures me that they won’t be shooting my cats but I have not seen Jonny since that night. I can’t prove that they killed him, I not even sure they did because they never pulled the trigger in my presence but it wouldn’t surprise me if they did shoot him out of my presence just because I told them not to.
Anyway, in addition to the little black one who seems to have made a permanent home in our garage, we have a new little grey and white one. She/he is about the same size as the little black one. She hasn’t let us get close so I don’t have a pic yet but she’s warming up to us.
Sk8er Boi thinks she is one of Mama’s kittens that we saw in the spring but I don’t think the markings are right.
Life in general:
As Lexy said not too long ago;
I’m still looking for a better job. Mr. come-work-for-my-company came back from his trip–I guess for the weekend–but has to go back. He said he got the info but it’s sitting on his desk. That was Thurs. I haven’t seen hims since. I think he goes back on his trip Mon. I think I’m going to take it that the universe is telling me that job is not right for me.
Hair:
Nobody noticed that I cut 2.5 inches off of it. NOBODY. Not coworkers, not customers, not even Sk8er Boi. It doesn’t bother me but I find it interesting that AG didn’t even notice since she has been the most vocal about “when are you cutting your hair?”
I’m liking it. I can detangle both sides at once now rather than having one side get tangled again whilst I detangle the other. The ends feel nice and thick and soft and I’m not feeling so gung-ho to some stylist cut layers.
I know, I know, I still haven’t taken pic but it just doesn’t look that different. I should have taken one before I cut it when it was at hip length.
Like Dierna, I’m thinking about giving up henna. It’s just so very much a pain in the neck–literally. I either sleep in it which is much easier on my already abused neck or I hang around the house all day trying to find ways to keep my neck from working too hard.
If I sleep in it, I don’t sleep well, wake often and end up getting up very–early on my day off–to rinse because I can’t go back to sleep. If I apply it during the day, I end up with a sore neck and a possible trip to Dr. B because my neck is supporting about double the weight.
Four reasons I haven’t given it up thus far: 1) I have 350g in my freezer. 2) I like what henna does for my hair. 3) I don’t like the idea of using chemicals 4) red chemical dye has a propensity to fade whereas henna does not.
Dierna posted a link to some dye that was not supposed to fade but that was under her old screen name so it’s gone now. I think I’ll PM her (if she doesn’t respond here).
I can’t take a complement
I have noticed lately that any time any man says something complementary, no matter how innocuous, I cringe. Granted 95% of the time where I work, it’s followed by something rude, crude and socially unacceptable. But I feel this way in other situations too.
I was explaining this to a friend of mine that I happen to have dated eons ago so I asked him if I used to be like that. He said that he thought my self-esteem was not very high and that I couldn’t believe that a guy could find me attractive for attractiveness sake. That I thought a guy would not complement me unless all he wanted was to f#*k me.
I wonder if it’s the class of guy that complements me–or perhaps the class of guy that I notice complements me. Like I only notice the ones that are out just to f#*k whatever they can get. ‘Cause, you know, some good looking, nice guy wouldn’t just say “you have pretty eyes,” and leave it at that. NOOOO, my brain probably chalks that up to misunderstanding.
I need to work on my self-esteem.
I wonder if that’s why I have such a hard time releasing weight. If I looked better (in my own mind) I would attract more attention–more guys who just want to get into my pants if they could.
Pretties:
I bought this and this today. I got them to help remind me to work on my self-esteem which I think is the root of a lot of negative things in my life.
More work stupidity:
I bring my ebook to work with me and read it on break. Today, Mr. HH’s assistant was in the store and saw it and asked AG about it.
A$$: What’s this?
AG: it’s an electronic book.
A$$:who’s is it?
AG: it’s [EllisGurl]‘s, she reads it when she’s on break.
A$$: does she clock out?
AG: no
A$$: Then she doesn’t need to be reading it here.
Also, they had a sheet for everyone to sigh today. It was about no texting on duty, etc. Funny thing is that there was a paragraph at the bottom about blogging. Obviously they don’t want us blogging on company time but it also said that we “may not disparage the company, its services or its employees” in our blogs.
You’re going to tell me I can’t come vent about stupid work stuff in my own blog??? Who are you again? Not Goddess/God/Buddha/Alah, that’s for damn sure!!! I mean, I could understand if I plastered “I WORK FOR [company name] AND THEY ARE ALL A$$HATS!!!!” but really, come on.
So, what I am doing right now, my entry yesterday and, in fact, countless entries in the past could get me fired. Well, this is what I have to say to that: 
I’m with Rain
I’m not waiting anymore either.
It’s been a while but Rain once posted about a dream she’d had where she’d found a zipper in her skin and when she unzipped it, she stepped out of a “fat suit” (her words) and found a lovely, slender woman inside.
I’ve actually used that visualization in self hypnosis sessions. Lately I’ve been telling my inner lovely, slender woman that it’s time to come out, that she would be happier if she stopped hiding, that she would be healthier and feel better too. It’s too early to tell if she’s listening but I’m being persistent.
I haven’t tried sitting for a long time. I need to remind myself that all I need to do is sit. I don’t need to actively do self-hypnosis. I can just sit there and let my mind wander.
I’ve also been trying to get a nap in every afternoon. There are no two ways about it: I don’t get enough sleep. I am a night person and never make it to bed before 9:30 but it’s usually more like 10:30. I get up at 4:30. I go through phases where I wake every night in the wee hours. I usually go right back to sleep but it is still a disruption in sleep. Even if I didn’t wake up, that’s still only 6 hours of sleep and it’s simply not enough. Therefore: nap!
Cars and Spiritualism:
Sk8er Boi’s jeep is currently in pieces in the garage. Something broke when he was going 60 MPH and flapped around under there until he got it stopped. The flapping did a bunch of damage. Thankfully, he has been able to rob parts of the wrecked Jeep he bought so we’ve had minimal cost there. However, he’s going to have to bastardize the transfer cases from both Jeeps to make one working one. He’s waiting for a co-worker to help him on that.
Anyway, what that means for me is that I have been car-less for three days now because he is driving mine. I walk to work so no big deal there but I am going stir crazy at home.
I had to ask Shari to take me to the grocery store today. Shari is the other friend I mentioned who started out just being a regular at my store.
So, Shari tells me today that she is Wiccan. This is what I have been looking for, someone who is in the area who I can go to with questions etc. Strangely, I shied away from the subject. I guess–for that moment–my tired brain decided that I would have to make a decision right then and there about my “religious” status. I haven’t mentioned anything to Sk8er Boi about not being Christian. I really don’t know what he would think about it. I guess I’m afraid it would majorly put him off. He is not a religions man but he does believe in God.
But after thinking about it, I know that I can just talk to her about her experiences, ask her questions about rituals etc without actually declaring myself any religion.
Speaking of Wiccans in my area, I’ve received two emails from my Which Vox profile (which I have totally not been active on in months). The first email was from a man and, even though he never said anything in the actually words he wrote, the feeling was that he was a sleeze hitting on me. The second was from a woman who was semi close but the first sentence she wrote was something like “it try and stay mostly on the light side…” Um, OK, I don’t think I want to associate with anyone who mess around with dark magic. I do believe there is evil out there and I don’t want to muck about with it.
eBookwise:
It’s Wed 11/4 and I have not received the USB cord. I’m going to give it until tomorrow in case USPS is a little slower than last time.
I’m thinking about just filing for a total refund, shipping this damn thing back and buying a new one. This one has suddenly developed a black line across the top. I can make it go away but it’s back the next time I turn the thing on. It doesn’t interfere with the menus or reading but I fear it may be indicative of things to come. I’m going to be really pissed if the thing shoots craps shortly.
I just checked the listing again, there is no “as is” or “no warranty” mentioned. I’ll have to decide what I want to do by tomorrow.
Comment replies, pumpkins, shoes and other stuff
Kimberlily: thanks for stopping by!! 
OGM: “Say it” was not directed at you specifically. I’m just saying.
Sir David: Thank you too for stopping by!
Spidermom: I wish I could let them roll off my back. I am far too sensitive sometimes! However, just giving myself permission not to stress about it has made a difference!
pgw: Fairyland is addictive isn’t it!
Lexy: Of course it would not be just for the hair. Good food, company, some exciting sightseeing AND a haircut sounds fabulous and if it were in the budget, I’d be there in a heartbeat!
Cinnamon Hair: I’m not sure exactly what you mean by “you like to cut, while for me cutting is a dreaded chore.” If you mean that I like to keep my hair trimmed and my hemline blunt, you’re right. I don’t like fairytale ends on me. I have not intentionally kept it at this length. I made the mistake of trying to cut layers myself and then not liking them and cutting them back out. That is why, for the last year, I haven’t gained any length.
However, I hadn’t thought about having a taper making an updo more stable….
Yes, I do braid. However, since I got the front cut, those pieces tend to work their way out of it and make it look messy and poorly done. I’m a perfectionist. I don’t like that.
Snapped just for you, one of two styles that are my usual updos:
Liluri: Yes, B and I have made great strides in our relationship. It’s actually nice to have her here now.
PatGear: Yes, it was nice.
Rae~: It has been a real challenge for me not to comb/brush/detangle my hair every 10 seconds too. As I told Cinnamon Hair, I’m a perfectionist….
Vel: The thing that has kept me from tearing into her is that I know she is a product of the BM and GBM. However, she will be 18 in one week. It’s time to start growing up. It’s time to start realizing that what they taught her is not the way of the world and she’s going to be in a world of hurt if she continues to act the way she does–not just to me but to everyone.
Hair:
I stopped washing every day nearly 4 years ago. My hair is as greasy/dirty looking on day two now as it was when I first started not washing every day. What a PITA!!! Sometimes I miss washing every day. Other time I’m grateful I don’t. Washing these days seems like such a difficult, daunting task. It’s not really once I get in there a do it. It just feels like it. You’d think I had hair the length of Cinnamon Hair‘s!! Sheesh!
I think I have made it into such a daunting task. The logic being: I have long hair, therefore, it should be a PITA to care for, right? NOT! Part of it is that I am washing at night now. After a long day at work standing for any longer (i.e. in the shower) seems very difficult to me. But I have to be at work at 6:00 AM and, being the night person that I am, I am NOT getting up any earlier than I already do!
Sam-E:
Been taking it for over a month now. After the meltdown the other day and generally feeling grumpy a lot since then, I’m debating whether to continue. It’s expensive stuff!!
However, it’s also supposed to have detoxing effects. I’ve been having some…ah…digestive issues lately that could or could not be from the Sam-E. I have them sometimes anyway but not usually everyday for going on a week or more. If it’s because the Sam-E detoxing, that could be the cause of the grumpiness too.
Heeltastic:
I found some at Walgreen’s. I’m actually impressed with the ingredients; no PG, no petroleum products and no parabens. Yes, I bought it just to see if it’s all that it’s cracked up to be. It’s not. It’s not doing anything that any other cream or lotion has done so I’m taking it back. I can get body butter cheaper.
Thanks about it for now:
I’ll leave you with some pics from B’s visit.
My first experience with pumpkin carving. That is, I have butchered pumpkins with a knife before but this year, we bought one of those kits with the tiny little saws. Have to say; I will never go back to a knife again!
B’s haunted house, skull and ghost “Boo” all patterns from the kit:
My flame face, another pattern:
An EllisGurl original, cat on a fence:
An my and B’s matching shoes with our neon socks:
Lastly, please keep Callie in your thoughts. She hasn’t been here in two nights and she is still very, very thin. The weather is getting cold and we are afraid she will not survive the winter unless she recovers. Unfortunately, we can’t afford another vet bill or we would take her in and get her some meds.
Feeling antisocial
*WARNING: whiny rant with some harsh words about an a fore mentioned topic*
Bite me. That was going to be the title of my blog post because that’s how I feel when I log in here and find that nobody or maybe one person has commented on my most recent post. It frustrates me to no end that I come here and write about something important in my life and nobody responds. I am instantly transported back to my school days where I am an insecure girl thinking nobody likes me and keeping my head down so the popular kids won’t notice me lest they tease me.
Often, I write here because I am looking for feedback from my friends. More and more often lately, I get very little and I feel rejected. Why is it that one person gets numerous responses when they write about what hair care product they use and I get one or none when I write about life altering event? OK, that’s an exaggeration but you get my meaning. And, yes, this is a hair-care board but you and I know that it’s also a community encompassing much, much more.
I actually got 4 whole comments on my last post but that was because I wrote about possibly cutting my hair. Every comment was telling me not to do it and the rest of the post, albeit short, was ignored.
*Disclaimer: My insecurity monster is fully out of its hiding place and running rampant. I realize that there are people out there with bigger problems than me. I realize people have their own lives and mine will never be as important. I am simply some acquaintance that most people have never met IRL. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
*Disclaimer #2: This was not written with the intent to illicit more comments. It’s my blog and I’m writing about my feelings. I have not said anything unkind about any other members and believe I have otherwise followed the LHC guidelines.
Meltdown:
The above mentioned contributed to but certainly did not cause a major meltdown I had on Friday night. Another contributing factor was that J asked me to burn her a couple of CDs. I knew that once she had them, she would not talk to me again until the next time she wanted something. She would either ignore me or, if she was forced to interact with me (as in, she was here in town) she would flip me attitude. I feel used and it pisses me off. I should have told her “no” but that would cause problems with Sk8er Boi.
Friday, I was in a mood. I spent all day trying to download all the songs J wanted and fighting with Widows Media Player because it refused to cooperate. I was also trying to clean house because Sk8er Boi was picking up B for fall break. J, once again, chose not to come.
In the evening, I ordered Chinese for the three of us for dinner. It irritates me that this job always falls to me. I guess I have a mild phone phobia too when it comes to talking to strangers but, apparently so does Sk8er Boi and his is worse. But I digress. The girl who answers the phone at the Chinese place we order from barely speaks English. She is difficult to understand and has messed up our order two out of three times since she took over phone duty.
When our order arrived, my item was missing. I called, tried my damnedest to be as polite as possible but got frustrated with Miss. Very-Little-English very quickly. I had to repeat myself over and over and over. I had to ask her to repeat herself just as often. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely do not feel that Miss. VLE is stupid or does not deserve to be here (unless she is illegally here) or anything like that. I do, however, fell like she should not be taking phone orders when the language barrier is so great.
After dinner, of which Sk8er Boi had to share his, the topic came back up and he said, “…I felt sorry for her. You were so nasty to her.” (huge emphasis on the word “nasty”) Well, that was it. Meltdown city. I went upstairs and cried for about 45 min after screaming at Sk8er Boi to leave me that he!! alone. I didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the night and went to bed early.
I have this problem. When I am frustrated and/or angry, what comes out of my mouth sounds rude. I have no intention of sounding rude, I do not want to sound rude but I do. And the harder I try not to sound rude, the worse it gets. I do not know how to fix this.
Anyway, I cannot explain Friday’s meltdown other that the contributing factors mentioned. None of them were big enough, in my mind, to created the feelings I had that caused me to cry for a full 45 min before I could calm down. The funny thing is that I was just thinking on Thursday that the SAM-e I’ve been taking has had a positive impact on my overall mood. I guess not.
~~~~~~in other news~~~~~~
I got myself an eBookwise with my birthday money. It’s much cheaper that a Kindle or a Sony to begin with but this one was on eBay “like-new” and even cheaper still. It does not have all the bells and whistles of a Kindle or Sony but I don’t need all that. It does have what I wanted which is a backlight so I can read in bed without the light on disturbing Sk8er Boi or having to fight with those stupid little book lights that never shine where you need them to.
I am a bit miffed with the seller though. She did not include the USB cable which one needs to register the unit and one must have a registered unit to purchase books from the eBookwise site. When I asked her for it, she asked me to pay for shipping of it. It was only $2 but then she felt the need to tell me that she paid $7.50 to ship it “but that’s OK” 
. In my opinion, the damn thing should have been sent with the unit. I paid the $2 because I wanted it and, as I have had such problems with eBay sellers in the past, I didn’t want her to refuse to send it. I would have paid more to purchase a new one.
I have been using it and love it otherwise. It does look like new, no scratches or dings. Works like a dream.
